天堂

媽媽說"people with a good heart, goes to Heaven."
天堂。。。
會是個更美好的世界嗎？那裡會孤單嗎？

雖然很遙遠，但那裡好像是。。。
No suffering...
No pain...
好像比人間，快樂得多。

也許這會是解脫最好的方法。

負

故事事這洋子：

今天, 她被負了，但同時間，她作了一個抉定，也負了壹個人。對不起。是無心傷害。

其實一路以來，誰都知道他對她有多重要。雖然她與他是若即若離，分分合合，但無可否認，她跟他的感情有壹定的深度。雖然她不清楚自己到底還愛他嗎。因為他不停地傷害她。但她不想再騙自己更不想再拖累妳。

她不是不喜歡別人對她好，被疼的感覺確很爽。 但愛情並非這洋子。
地理環境也很重要。感覺更重要。她跟他的默契，無人能比。這一點，得要認。

她跟妳算是有緣無份。 但她仍然很謝謝妳很用心對她的好。可惜的是，她最后還是選擇了他。
也許有天，它们都會找到更愛的。

（這一番話，怎么此曾相识 ）


感觉很ironic吧！？！怎麼人生會是這樣子？？？
都是“愛我的，我不愛。不愛我的，我卻愛。 ”
自私。我懂。人類都自私，這就是我們的權利。

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12305691
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12235050
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12239926
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12284821
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12289716
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/12162440

這些文章。。很值得看。 把我的疑問解答了。但仍然需要時間思考。

神

我一直相信世界上有神。

在这时候，我需要你。

i'm mentally and physically exhausted.

我恢复点了。。。

可能是因為聽了一整天的音樂。。。或許是。。。因為想通了。

其實啊，擔心也無用吧。沒有任何的作用，反而會把事情弄得更糟糕。所以盡管心裡多疼多痛，也要樂觀點，開心點。好讓她往後的日子都快快樂樂。

雖然還會有低落的時候，雖然真的很希望在灰暗的時候有人會逗逗我。。。
但仍然要多提自己堅強點。這樣才能帶希望給別人。

一個比一個更可怕的消息。。。

我不想你離去，但更不想你受苦。。。

能否勇敢地撐下去，開心地活到最後？

婆婆，我想你，更爱你。

明天媽媽要趕去新加坡看近了醫院的婆婆。我的心情是多麼的沉重。又是吐血，又是X光片上有影。我不敢呆在家，因為我怕哭！很煩惱！

從小，婆婆是我唯一真正稱過的grandmother。與她和公公在新加坡一起住的那一年，我是萬千寵愛在一身。我不能，也不願意想象沒有了她會怎樣。

一向來樂天的她，無法接受自己生病。雖然看不到遙遠的你，但聽到你如此的說話，感覺到你的痛苦。我，很心疼！！

堅強，我知道我要撐得住。為了媽媽，為了婆婆。我死都要撐。

但到底，我的苦又能跟誰吐？

“珍惜生命裡的一切，今天擁有的並不代表以后的存在”

爸爸生日快乐

今天是那麼大個女而來第一次請爸爸吃生日飯

~吃了一頓很好的buffet！

一家人，很高興。

[這世界裡，最愛我，最疼我，最不會放棄我。就只有他們~]

如果你想忘記,我也能失憶.

我...爱上了他

記得以前每次聽到超級感動的歌，眼淚會讓我懷念過去，讓我懷念自己埋藏了很久的感覺。
我很久沒哭了，不知道是因為我堅強了，還是我的心變冷了？

"就算這是做錯 也只是怕錯過"

面對最愛寒冬的擔憂

寒冬的來臨~
快快快！ 最愛寒冬的我已經計劃了今年的冬裝，要吃什麼，要怎麼保暖，要怎樣保濕對抗干燥。准備11月換形象！很想快點到 Christmas！很想要寫christmas cards，看燈飾，交換禮物，吃聖誕大餐！哇啦！在冷冷的空氣中墮入暖暖的懷抱裡頭緊緊地抱著。。。啊。。。那感覺真爽！！

（其實在這期待的當中也有很大的擔憂）

身體狀況~
很糟糕！我。。。很像是要生病了。不行！我要抗拒病魔！這星期六和天，忙得要死！我不能倒！

可惜的是自己的身子一向不好，那天看過中醫，她第一句問“你幾歲？結婚了嗎？哪。。。你要生孩子嗎？幾時要生？”我告訴她我當然要生，不過因為皮膚的問題所以在吃西藥保救。她變得非常憤怒，還說我的病很重很深。心，肝都不好。要好好調理。想要30歲前生BB現在就要馬上停止西藥，用中藥調理。但我怕皮膚會不聽話。。。怎麼選？中醫說我需要有人好好的照顧，因為從小就被寵，身體不太能受太大的苦和刺激。不能允許自己受太大的壓力，要找方法減壓。要多多休息，療養身子。飲食更要多加注意，要介口，不能吃鹽分，毒素太高的東西，最愛的螃蟹也要少点吃>. <

唉。。所以很担心，寒冬要好好照顧自己好讓自己趕快健康回來。

“這世界不能用錢買的是時間和身體的健康。”

旅行

好久都没真正放过假期。。。很想要到外面走一趟。。。
上一次的假期是到van，已经快要两年了！ 有很多地方想要去。。。
要到何时呢？

May it be...

Shanghai

Maldives

Beijing

Tokyo

Hokkaido

.... I need a getaway.

"The art of living is to realise the goods of it."

Am i fit for this?

I use to think that i'm amazing around children (deep down i still believe that i am), but with the cases i'm handling now, i've started to have doubts on myself. Though it is a wonder to be with them every weekend, but i'm starting to drain and i'm exhausted and running out of ways to better control the children. i've resorted to searching online for solutions on classroom management & also dealing with challenging kids.

so, this weekend, i had a 6 yr old called me a "fat butt" , "pig face" & said "this is shit" . Another 2 who pee pee-ed on the corridor floor of the toilet. 天啊！

i look at chidren nowadays and how much they've matured through the feasibility of technology and communication. it scares me. they're so matue with their language, but mentally are they prepared for it?

"A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark."

The perfect man's name is Mr. Right.

They say, "There will come a day where you'll realise that this is the perfect man, the one person you can dedicate your life to, knowing he will take good care of you forever more."

i've been wondering if i've met my Mr Right yet? Has he ever been in my life? Or, will i ever meet him?

They say you'll just know that it is him. I thought i knew... but i am obviously wrong.

i use to think that with all the faith & love that i have, i would be alright with waiting, but i'm starting to think that all i've been doing is naively lying to myself. what in the world am i waiting for? is it merely a waste of my time?

Is he my Mr. Right or rather i want him to be my Mr. Right?

Everyone's getting married & i'm getting worried, what have i accomplished in life thus far in the love department?

seems like nothing.

"Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be just an illusion."

生存意义

今天的對話，讓我無限的感慨但領悟甚多。好朋友們，這是為你們而寫的。。。

每個人當感覺走到盡頭時都會想放棄生命嗎？事事都不如意，無路可逃的時候，這會否是個解脫？站在生命的邊緣，痛苦地活著也許比死更難受。但死隻會是逃避的其一方法。當真是要逃避的方法有很多種。人生當中喜怒哀樂是必經的階段。我相信這世界上有陰陽。 沒有傷悲，快樂隻會是個很普通的感覺。人生的起落讓情緒像過山車一般的起伏。我們不停地跟自己的情緒搏斗，為什麼？就是要不停地把自己鍛煉得更強。當每一次熬過艱苦的日子再看回頭，都會感覺自己領悟更多，長得更多。人就是要碰釘子才會感到痛，刺痛的感覺讓我們consciously意識得到自己原來失去了一樣很重要的東西。very often, 到了這個時候才會埋怨自己為何當初不懂得珍惜？因為那時候我們並不覺得它是什麼，就偏偏到失去了才知道它的可貴。但也許走到這一步，后悔也未免太遲了吧。

壞的就讓時間把它沖走，牢牢的記住這感受，跟它苦苦的拼，因為它隻會讓你更強。人生苦短，珍惜一切對自己的好，因為這好不常有，但這好讓生命變得更美，更有意義。不需要理會別人想些什麼，不需要跟別人交待。找到自己的原動力才最重要。
也許這一切。。。講起來像很容易，做起來卻很難。
但我，會永遠支持你。

"Time heals all wounds, but it's also the hardest medicine to take."

Dare to be different?

These are the questions i often ask:

• in life,

what's really right & what's really wrong? what's the equlibrium in life? who determines the rules? who can be the judge? why do we instill such norms that make everything else seem abnormal?

• on love,

what is a functional relationship? what determines who can be loved & who can't? what's the driving force behind us bumping our head into the wall time after time? why do we still bother loving when we've been hurt so many times before?

i figured that in this world, there truely is no right & no wrong, it's just a matter of social acceptance or more so, personal acceptance & values. if we dare to be different & stand firm to what we believe & what follow our instincts, we might just beat & defeat. who cares what others think about us? at the end of the day, it is really how we make of ourselves. i think it's better to stand firm & gain respect, than to be a dog follower of something we don't believe in.


"Be confidently wrong & it becomes right."

G.N.O.

Last night was another Gals.Nite.Out. that was full of gritty complaints but definately great catching up. Starting our night at Sevva with the trios then having dinner at Le Qube with 2 left. i haven't had a decent catch up with my ladies in a while now, so we've decided that a monthly mega catch up is to be hold. The plans are to do things that are extraordinary.

I suggest that:
We book a hotel room & do a all gal pal chill out session. (D* calls for wine, cheese platter & parma), but obviously, G doesn't drink no more ladies.

or perhaps,

Go for a full day Spa treatment. ... we ought to be nice to ourselves.

note to self: [DEFEAT LAZINESS]
i've have finally started taking care of my skin properly. so each night i spend an addditional 30mins-60mins doing toner masks, applying body lotion all over, smacking my thighs & flabs.

"To always be prepared & look absofuckinglutely gorgeous 24/7"

Singapore Sling

It was a short but very sweet trip. Spending time with family was a major plus plus, seeing long time cousins that i haven't seen in centuries. The wedding was amazing, 1st time bridesmaid was tiring yet exciting. i enjoyed every single bit of it. This trip took my mind away from the hustle n bustle of HK... which was much needed as i started to feel that i was loosing inner balance again. Every time i force myself to detach away from something, i start to regain it back. Def. a wise move. Wasn't quite looking forward to coming back because life was simply easy & good back at my 2nd home.i was Majorly pampered!! I'm now in search for another excuse to go back.








"Live in the moment, cuz it'll be too late when you realise that it's already gone."

Hospital...

今晚到了醫院去，因為bee.bee.bu的媽媽身體不適。場面有點可怕，沒想到自己原來。。。不怕血！其實起初很怕，擔我勇敢起來！因為我知道在這個時候我是應該守護在他們身旁幫忙照顧。看見beebeebu和他家人一面擔心的樣子，我的心寒了起來。盡管他們嘗試用搞笑的事情遮蓋著他們的憂愁，我知道他們心裡都很不安。看見她今天的樣子，看見她緊緊地握著兒子們的手。我知道她心裡很害怕，所以能做的就自是掃掃她的背，跟她說不必擔心，不會有事情的。我們都會在你身邊。幸運的是她是個很堅強的人，她要的隻是她最愛的兒子們在她身旁陪伴著她。她媽媽很好，很疼我，她說“你很乖，明天要走啦，快點回去睡啦！玩得開心點，記得要小心點。”當生病的時候我們都變得像小孩子，很想要人哄。所以我說“不用擔心！我早點回來看你啦！” 希望老天爺你會保護這一家人，我會每天為他們祈禱。

今天在醫院的時候回想過來CNY的時候bee.bee.bu生病了，我陪著他在醫院等候。我知道他很怕醫院，所以那時呆了很久才願意去看病。哈哈。傻瓜！

想要的只不过是一个承诺

明天啟程到新加坡參加姐姐的婚禮。后天會是人生第一次當伴娘。好興奮哦~
身邊的朋友，親友都一個個結婚了。真的很羨慕。羨慕的並不是壯觀的婚禮，也許隻是她們身邊有人陪伴她們白頭偕老。

三年前，我曾經有這麼一個機會。但那時的我還沒想要定下來。我，是否已經錯過了人生唯一的機會？
其實每個女人到最后要的隻不過是一個承諾，一個肯定。隻是想要他們身邊的告訴自己“你”就是那個我一生中想要陪伴到老的。

“不在乎天長地久，隻在乎曾經擁有”